Advice for jealousy/ anger with boyfriend. guys opinions please, girls too...?

My boyfriend has two children with his ex. She calls all the time, and i know she wants him back because she has said that she is taking back what i stole from her... (which the relationship was over for a while when we got together). Whenever she calls it drives me crazy because i know she is saying stuff to him about them being together or whatever. Now i have to give my man credit, he never responds to her and doesnt show that he's interested. He get's mad at me and we get into huge fights over her and what she says and does. He just said that i must hate his kids and that is why i dont want them to be in contact. But the truth is that i hate her ( definitly do not hate his children, they are great) I know what is on her mind. I know what she is trying to accomplish... I want him to see his kids and talk to them, I just dont understand why she has to be the one talking to him on the phone? why not the kids? I dont know what else to say to him to make him understand. I feel like crap when i get angry with him over this, but it just seems like he doesnt hear what im saying. I hate fighting with him, it breaks my heart... What can i say to him? Or do i just try and ignore it- and try and convince myself she will cut it out?Advice for jealousy/ anger with boyfriend. guys opinions please, girls too...?
Calm down. You're sounding just like her...


Find a time when he's relaxed to talk openly, rationally and quietly about your fears and feelings. Explain clearly that you are interested in his happiness but don't see him being happy when he talks with her and it makes you feel bad. Ask him this as well, I'm just really curious because you don't seem interested in getting back with her, which I really appreciate that I can see that and feel like you do want to be with me, but I really wonder why you don't tell her to let the past be in the past. Make sure you ask with a curious kind of voice, not a demanding one, and you might get a little further than you have to-date.


And since actions speak louder than words, make some kind of effort to prove that you like his kids (invite them for movie and games or something) and encourage him to spend time with them.


If you continue to argue angrily over this issue, you will lose. He doesn't need or want two women yelling at him.


And if your real issue is with her, not him, take it up with her as well...also calmly and rationally.Advice for jealousy/ anger with boyfriend. guys opinions please, girls too...?
you're the one who is being immature and selfish


let your bf resolve that problem with his ex-wife.


he has enough problems to resolve


and it's not like that you gonna avoid your bf reconciliating with his ex-w,
Tell him you love his kids but the problem is her. Tell him it bothers you how she is always calling and your worried about your relationship and tell him how much it means to you.. Also tell her to leave you guys the hell alone
you need to tell him that you really do like his kids, and that your having issues with his ex. Try not to get angry (as hard as it is) and explain everything completley. Make sure their are no miscommunications.
why not pay her a visit yourself and clearly explain to her that your man doesnt want her back and shes a thing of the past. tell her this is harassment and if she doesnt back off, you are legally going to take things to the next level.
well,, to tell you the truth it is his kids wid her she ganna b around wether u lik it or not but u need to show ur manz how u feel bout her callin all da time y not the kids?!!!!! becuz if she is denn naaa u jus gata not let that happen!!
chill get him anice diner and tell him wut happened wit u and her and yo problemos
Keep that stuff up and you will lose him for sure!
hes a moron


if u need more help


post your question here


www.helpmen.webs.com


they helped me =)
I can understand your frustration, and it sounds like he doing the right thing. but you being angry and getting into fights does not help the situation if anything this ex is winning and getting the results she wants. obviously they have to have some communication regarding the kids. I have to with my ex and we just only talk about the kids nothing more. this is hard on your partner to he seems to be in the middle. you need to sit down and talk sensibly with him tell him how it hurts you and how it makes you feel .make a nice meal and have some wine and just talk calmly. if you feel he wont listen then write it in a heartfelt letter. maybe he needs to put closure on his old relationship and make it clear to her he loves you and that they should agree that she only calls if its about the kids. Good luck!!
Redwolf is right. You are just digging your own grave, here. It never works to try to control other adults' behavior, and you are trying to control TWO other people's behavior here, your BF, and his ex. When you fight with your man, he hears two things: that you don't trust him to stay with you, and that you don't want him to see his kids, when she is the gatekeeper. When you get angry and fight with him for something SHE is doing - even though you clearly understand that she is not getting what she wants, that just basically punishes the poor guy for doing the right thing! You should be acting loving and supportive of him at all times, but instead you are being a nagging shrew. Let go! And trust him to shrug her off! If he loves you, everything she says will be like the rain on the roof - it'll just make noise and run right off. Don't just ';try'; to ignore it, DO ignore it, focus constantly on what a good man he is, and let him know how much you know it, because by doing that, it strengthens him to resist her. Don't waste your time trying to convince yourself she will cut it out, because it just plain does not matter. Your hatred of this woman is destroying you. Stop it!
Your boyfriend is doing nothing wrong. You even stated it is HER not him you have the issue with. Whether you like it or not they have a past together and kids. You need to deal with the fact he is going to have to have a relative amount of contact with her for the kids sake.Not trying to be rude, it's just the way it is. Your boyfriend is with you and that isn't going to change, don't let this woman get you upset, you don't have to deal with her if you choose not to.