I have recently moved out to South Africa to live with my father, who I haven鈥檛 seen since I was two, but that a different story鈥?
I have been seeing a girl out here, who I met on my father鈥檚 stag party. We hit it off and I took her number and she mine, and shortly after I took her out a few times you know fancy restaurants, cinema, bars and clubs. She even came to me fathers wedding and seemed really happy to meet family etc.
Now everything seemed to be going so well, when we had an argument about her going out (Which I was more than happy about as I鈥檓 not the control freak type). But her friends managed to twist the argument, which was on the phone, so that is sounded like I was saying she couldn鈥檛 go out. I denied that and told her to tell them, which she refused to do. So surprise, surprise, they now don鈥檛 like me.
Later that week with no contact at all with her, she and I had a long conversation on the phone and she asked to be friends for a while so she could get her life in order and give her self space. She denies it but I think she is trying to get over her Ex-boyfriend, who treated her awfully, and now she has trust issues. I took this as she didn鈥檛 want me as anything but a friend and that ill move on. She was upset and said that why couldn鈥檛 I wait, I said that I would if she wanted me to and she replied I didn鈥檛 have too. But I know she wanted me to.
So I said that I wasn鈥檛 happy with the arrangement, but respected her wishes, and backed off. So I gave her, her space and talked to her on the phone minimally. She phones me after a week of almost complete silence my end and short answers to her texts, asking me why I鈥檝e been ignoring and that I鈥檓 being immature. Not impressed at that point I told her I was giving her space as she asked for. She then said that she still wants to talk, it鈥檚 the physical side that she wanted to put on hold. Well it鈥檚 been a rocky few weeks and I have been thinking of her a lot and chatting.
But over the last week I have been getting more agitated about this situation. I don鈥檛 like having to stew over this. So I was on the verge of just throwing in the towel. When she phoned me and we were talking away when she started getting emotional and talking about how her friends were using her (They are) and I sat and listened, giving my advice as I have been in her situation before. The subjects go by and eventually they we come to the where we are. She says to me that she thinks I鈥檓 unhappy that the relationship isn鈥檛 moving forward, and I insensitively answer that we have gone no where! Please note I had been a passenger involved in a car crash 24 hours earlier and I am still pity banged up.
She gets upset saying that she is opening up to me and that we are making progress, as she before the break wouldn鈥檛 open up to me. So I apologize and think about what I said over the night. So today I鈥檓 sitting here in the office and I鈥檝e herd my friends and colleagues opinions on the whole thing and some think she鈥檚 messing me around and others say she obviously cares and to wait. Now I鈥檓 writing in, because I鈥檝e had it up to here with all this. I like her a lot and she says so to, but I鈥檝e never been in this situation before and I could really do with some non-bios advice on how to go about this.
Do you think she is messing me around? Does she seem like she cares? (I know she does about my well being as she went mad when she found out about the car crash). But really I just want to decide if she is worth all this (I think she is, but many others don鈥檛) have you seen this before? Does it end well?
This Question is for the girls, but guys answer if you have any good advice.?
You both are going thru a lot, and probably had different expectations of each other. Going forward in a relationship does not only mean physically. It's great, but it's more important to get to know each other. If you want to be bf and gf, you need to see each other, even if its just chilling out somewhere, or doing something fun. Not seeing each other is like saying you're free to see others. This girl has trust issues, and she's not and independent thinker yet if she is so easily influenced by her friends. She may have had a rough home life since she allows bf and friends to treat her badly. Do you have to be so serious? Just date her and get to know each other more. But you won't get to know each other if you don't get together. You both have a lot of maturing to do, it can end well, but you don't know a lot...like how your life is going to be getting to know your father and living in South Africa, like how is she going to get over her grief with her ex and learn have good friends. Tell her your needs, like if you're going to be exclusive you need to see her more so you can get to know each other and support each other more. She may not be emotionally ready for years. This may be a subconscious test to see if you'll abandon her. It's a hard thing to deal with someone who has games they need to play, even if they don't realize they're doing it. I would ask for a more regular relationship (doesn't have to mean sex) or else you're just casually dating and you can see others. Be friendly, take care of yourself too. good luck.This Question is for the girls, but guys answer if you have any good advice.?
apparently, she is indecisive. so just allow her reasonable time. after six moths propose marriage. if she doesn't decide, end relation.
I am a girl so I am giving you the female perspective. I am not sure how old you both are -- they would make a difference in my evaluation of the situation. Also, your personalities would make a difference.
This girl sounds a bit immature and indecisive to me. Unless you are willing to endure a relationship that is always filled with drama, you ought to move on. Regardless of whatever disagreements she has with her friends at the moment, they will always be a major influence in her life and they will always cause trouble in your relationship with her.
Setting aside the negative influences of other people, why do you even want to get involved in a relationship built on such rocky foundation? The best part of dating relationships tend to be the beginning when you are discovering each other. From day one (figuratively, of course), you are already on a rocky path. Why do you think that it will get better with time? It seems like it will get worse.
I don't think that she is messing with you per se. I think that she has her own issues to work out before she is ready for a relationship with you (or anyone else for that matter). I have seen this before and I highly doubt that it will end well for the reasons stated above (she sounds immature, influence of friends, etc.). I agree with your friends. Move on and find someone who you can get to know and not someone who you have to help to work out their emotional and psychological issue. You owe it to yourself. Try to resist the urge to get hung up on her because of the ';you always want what you can't have'; factor. The issues that you are facing with her now will get tiring once you have conquered her and your life will be much worse then than it is walking away from her now. Think of it as taking one step backward and two forward.
All the best to you. Keep us posted on what you decide. : )
So, I'm reading this from beginning to end, so it's kind of split up in this weird way. ;)
Wow. To tell the truth, she seems like the kind of girl who LIKES drama in a relationship, and doesn't want to admit it (not that it's particularly BAD, just something to think about). I know a lot of girls like that, though I am not like that myself. The beginning part, about her friend's not liking you... Her friends seem like girly biotches who live off gossip, and you get the short end of the stick 'cause guess what? In girl world, girlfriends come before boyfriends, no matter what. Even if the girls are feeding her false information. And that's why she wants to be friends, because she likes you and doesn't want to let you go, but girlfriends come before boyfriends. If you REALLY think this girl is trying to get over her ex, don't let her use you as a rebound. Be nice and be there for her, but don't let this girl just walk over you! Be a man, dude! Oh, not to mention she's asking for space but suddenly she's wondering why you are ignoring her. That means one thing. No offense, but she WANTS you to run after her or something! Like, the whole dramatic 'need space' thing, and now she's like, 'wait, why isn't he asking for me to come back or pulling up a fight?' so that would explain that. Now that she figures out her friends are using her, your back in number 1 but she doesn't want to come running back to YOU. She doesn't want to seem pathetic. And really, that wasn't insensitive. Friends open up to each other, and that's not what you're waiting around for. If I were you, I would have dropped it by now. Face the facts, you don't want to be friends with benifits, and she obviously can't make up her mind. I really don't think it's worth all of your time. And if she's an emotional girl with drama issues, it probably won't end well. Hope that helps.
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